DAYS OF REVELRY

i've never knew i can be so desperately to have the perfect person in my life to be together without having much negativity in it. grasping onto the reality, patient is the biggest key but i just don't know...

i believe in natural karma which only god who determines it.. not the 'man-made' karma who thinks they are the god who should determine who should be given the karma.. i hope those people will get punishment from god and i will just move on with my life like how it should be.

How do you mould an useless person to become useful like before....?

part of the introvert of me, finds it relieving jotting down what's there in my mind than speaking to the others. with no offense *cause probably i did it without realising it*, i find it simply annoyed with people, who have no clue of what's happening in life, to start judge and mocking aloud at one's fault. by doing this, it adds more negativity into one's fault, allowing faulty moves to be lavished out continuously.. in other words, sitting, mocking and just hope for the recovery or miracles to happen won't help at all.. with this, your just entitled to gain the acknowledgement and that's it. who are you to judge it, if someone who just knew from the surface of the story. for me, i trust there is something that had happened within the life that made it happen. i'm still learning about it. some things that's seriously error, there must be deep pain to the root that blinds the vision. the kind of pain that comes unexpectedly but with expectation of no repetition, not knowing how to deal, and worst of all, devil's potion...

To me, love are sacredly shared between 2 person and that's it. Got tangled up when I was pushed to the point that I forced myself to believe it works other than that. I guess I brought out the worst side of me or should I say the total opposite of me which I originally should have been. Matters got worst when additional elements was brought into my life and completely stirred up a Nasi Goreng for me. Bitter Sweet. However, in the end, I knew I heart *** all along but completely turn upside down with the anonymous. Finally, I still behold that real love are really meant for two.. Not more, not less. I don't want to selfishly asked *** to must break up so I need to back out in order to have a higher chance of getting back to the right track although it hurts a lot and break into infinity pieces. At least I know my third relationship was the most meaningful one up to date. Before that, i need a cherishing moment. and will forever be remembered.. =)

My friend touched about the word faith today. Which makes me realized I have a deep ignorant about it and didn't do any reflection on it. It's such a shame today that *after a brief reflection, at this point of life* I realized I only have 100% faith towards my family, relatives and certain friends... My best friends who use to be close to me but after parted away for few years for my studies and work, the gap when we did not catch up is too wide which makes me, at certain times, doubted the words they say meaning from 100% to probably 90%... This I still can make myself instead of choosing to doubt them, I rather trust and have faith in them 100%... The others, unfortunately enough have to based on my feelings, can either be neutrally 100% faith or ......... i know it's selfish but at this part of life, in order to get back on the right track, i guess it requires them to understand, like really, what it feels like to be like this provided with the attributes that has inside and also other events that had happened. It's not their fault because I know basically how things, events and life work around this cycle.

My friend touched about the word faith today. Which makes me realized I have a deep ignorant about it and didn't do any reflection on it. It's such a shame today that *after a brief reflection, at this point of life* I realized I only have 100% faith towards my family, relatives and certain friends... My best friends who use to be close to me but after parted away for few years for my studies and work, the gap when we did not catch up is too wide which makes me, at certain times, doubted the words they say meaning from 100% to probably 90%... This I still can make myself instead of choosing to doubt them, I rather trust and have faith in them 100%... The others, unfortunately enough have to based on my feelings, can either be neutrally 100% faith or ......... i know it's selfish but at this part of life, in order to get back on the right track, i guess it requires them to understand, like really, what it feels like to be like this provided with the attributes that has inside and also other events that had happened. It's not their fault because I know basically how things, events and life work around this cycle.

it's a plain stupid move in order to search for the answer even if i need to do all this.. but even if it's stupid, i'll continue on even if it reach to the point of no truth being told to me. so this is like a hiding game. nevertheless, even if i didn't get the answer, at least i got clues. why did he want it to be this way...? along the road people get satisfaction, heartbroken, mad for continuing this rather than stop it. but whatever it is, in the end, i don't get anything cause it's the feeling of wanting to know. it's a sacrifice which i learnt. that's how the wall built up. if you know this, at least it ease your heart and mind to see someone got fooled and played. of course, i know i'm being control by this stupid stuff which leads to something which is not natural to me. deep down i know how i am but being blanked out by you and that. i hope the best for me even if it means a dead road. i 'redha' but i'm just happy i loved **. just a setback by bad thoughts *which might be real*. we'll see how it goes. it's as simple as it is. i just want to know what's happening. i wonder what happen next...?

living in a world that's filled with tonnes of desires, it's hard to resist temptation. each gain maybe sweet as honey but some just add more salt to your wound. the hardest part is to chew down whatever sweetness and sourness i've gained. it's not the best blend but it forms a menu of life that can be served to the world.

i can't lie what i feel because i just see hatred... i can deal with dat since i've experience it before but why don't just let me go... you've seen more than enough.. i know you got pain so i don't have.. it's just a painful relationship to go on.. i regretted saying yes the first time.. by saying yes, i just put myself in a more darker place..

can i hopefully pick myself up again... i have no confident, but only i can force myself to do so....

why is it a big concern over the weight issue nowadays...? look great...? being healthy...? score a date...? or just simply to feed their satisfaction....?

i felt scrutinized.... the reason that lies behind this mask is just plainly simple *enclosed personally*.