DAYS OF REVELRY

i've never knew i can be so desperately to have the perfect person in my life to be together without having much negativity in it. grasping onto the reality, patient is the biggest key but i just don't know...

i believe in natural karma which only god who determines it.. not the 'man-made' karma who thinks they are the god who should determine who should be given the karma.. i hope those people will get punishment from god and i will just move on with my life like how it should be.

How do you mould an useless person to become useful like before....?

part of the introvert of me, finds it relieving jotting down what's there in my mind than speaking to the others. with no offense *cause probably i did it without realising it*, i find it simply annoyed with people, who have no clue of what's happening in life, to start judge and mocking aloud at one's fault. by doing this, it adds more negativity into one's fault, allowing faulty moves to be lavished out continuously.. in other words, sitting, mocking and just hope for the recovery or miracles to happen won't help at all.. with this, your just entitled to gain the acknowledgement and that's it. who are you to judge it, if someone who just knew from the surface of the story. for me, i trust there is something that had happened within the life that made it happen. i'm still learning about it. some things that's seriously error, there must be deep pain to the root that blinds the vision. the kind of pain that comes unexpectedly but with expectation of no repetition, not knowing how to deal, and worst of all, devil's potion...

To me, love are sacredly shared between 2 person and that's it. Got tangled up when I was pushed to the point that I forced myself to believe it works other than that. I guess I brought out the worst side of me or should I say the total opposite of me which I originally should have been. Matters got worst when additional elements was brought into my life and completely stirred up a Nasi Goreng for me. Bitter Sweet. However, in the end, I knew I heart *** all along but completely turn upside down with the anonymous. Finally, I still behold that real love are really meant for two.. Not more, not less. I don't want to selfishly asked *** to must break up so I need to back out in order to have a higher chance of getting back to the right track although it hurts a lot and break into infinity pieces. At least I know my third relationship was the most meaningful one up to date. Before that, i need a cherishing moment. and will forever be remembered.. =)

My friend touched about the word faith today. Which makes me realized I have a deep ignorant about it and didn't do any reflection on it. It's such a shame today that *after a brief reflection, at this point of life* I realized I only have 100% faith towards my family, relatives and certain friends... My best friends who use to be close to me but after parted away for few years for my studies and work, the gap when we did not catch up is too wide which makes me, at certain times, doubted the words they say meaning from 100% to probably 90%... This I still can make myself instead of choosing to doubt them, I rather trust and have faith in them 100%... The others, unfortunately enough have to based on my feelings, can either be neutrally 100% faith or ......... i know it's selfish but at this part of life, in order to get back on the right track, i guess it requires them to understand, like really, what it feels like to be like this provided with the attributes that has inside and also other events that had happened. It's not their fault because I know basically how things, events and life work around this cycle.

My friend touched about the word faith today. Which makes me realized I have a deep ignorant about it and didn't do any reflection on it. It's such a shame today that *after a brief reflection, at this point of life* I realized I only have 100% faith towards my family, relatives and certain friends... My best friends who use to be close to me but after parted away for few years for my studies and work, the gap when we did not catch up is too wide which makes me, at certain times, doubted the words they say meaning from 100% to probably 90%... This I still can make myself instead of choosing to doubt them, I rather trust and have faith in them 100%... The others, unfortunately enough have to based on my feelings, can either be neutrally 100% faith or ......... i know it's selfish but at this part of life, in order to get back on the right track, i guess it requires them to understand, like really, what it feels like to be like this provided with the attributes that has inside and also other events that had happened. It's not their fault because I know basically how things, events and life work around this cycle.

it's a plain stupid move in order to search for the answer even if i need to do all this.. but even if it's stupid, i'll continue on even if it reach to the point of no truth being told to me. so this is like a hiding game. nevertheless, even if i didn't get the answer, at least i got clues. why did he want it to be this way...? along the road people get satisfaction, heartbroken, mad for continuing this rather than stop it. but whatever it is, in the end, i don't get anything cause it's the feeling of wanting to know. it's a sacrifice which i learnt. that's how the wall built up. if you know this, at least it ease your heart and mind to see someone got fooled and played. of course, i know i'm being control by this stupid stuff which leads to something which is not natural to me. deep down i know how i am but being blanked out by you and that. i hope the best for me even if it means a dead road. i 'redha' but i'm just happy i loved **. just a setback by bad thoughts *which might be real*. we'll see how it goes. it's as simple as it is. i just want to know what's happening. i wonder what happen next...?

living in a world that's filled with tonnes of desires, it's hard to resist temptation. each gain maybe sweet as honey but some just add more salt to your wound. the hardest part is to chew down whatever sweetness and sourness i've gained. it's not the best blend but it forms a menu of life that can be served to the world.

i can't lie what i feel because i just see hatred... i can deal with dat since i've experience it before but why don't just let me go... you've seen more than enough.. i know you got pain so i don't have.. it's just a painful relationship to go on.. i regretted saying yes the first time.. by saying yes, i just put myself in a more darker place..

can i hopefully pick myself up again... i have no confident, but only i can force myself to do so....

why is it a big concern over the weight issue nowadays...? look great...? being healthy...? score a date...? or just simply to feed their satisfaction....?

i felt scrutinized.... the reason that lies behind this mask is just plainly simple *enclosed personally*.

stop writing this blog.. i'm prone to jot down a few bits.. i have almost completed what a 3 years degree student would have to go through.. it just seems so yesterday.. but then again.. when it's time to go, we're required to apprehend such goodbyes and just hope that we'll meet again soon...

hehe.. why chip chop, chip chop... yeah.. because i've been eating fish and chips and chicken chops to see which shop got nice chip chop... not because i'm rich but because i can afford it lately.. i am lucky because i just won something so i just treat myself something nice.. guess which picture is chicken chop and which is fish & chips...






then, in one of the policy class, i was bored to death so i just took picture randomly.. but sometimes i enjoyed the class because out of nowhere my lecturer just burst into laughter.. it's like virus which forced us to giggle at her..

happy, happy everyone... yet another new yer and more challenges ahead of us.. spoilt a hp and gain one just before 1.1.10.... that is why i am hibernating.. i have no electronic device to take my pic besides my own camera phone... but anyway, enough of that... love my holidays... did that, done that and many dates... i'm just looking forward for my next holiday.. not complaining about anything... nop, not going too... lalala~

spent time with can's family... enjoyed it...

hate thieves... any forms of thieves activities... don't they have better things to do... such a burden and a pest to the community... wait till you're in trouble then you'll know how your victim felt.. if you have such impeccable skills in stealing, why not apply it into other benefiting skills... if ur so bold enough to steal, use ur boldness in other fields that requires that.. and don't forget the thick skin as well... talk about you guys just makes me sick..

wow... so busy... super super busy... tests.. field trips... exhibitions... fyp... final exams (coming soon)... please just let me through... now, i just wanna grad.. so near already.. left 1 more sem and thats it...

last 2 weeks, i went for my mangrove trip to setiu.. it was damn tiring.. have to carry this and that.. have to walk in the sucking mud.. disgusting.. fun but in the disgusting way.. and because of this field trip, my handphone became 'celup mangrove'... aiyoo... rosak sudah... currently using my coursemates handphone.. (thanx, hana...)

last week, i went for my parasite field trip.. it was not tiring.. 80% of the time there was used for eat, sleep, and fun... 20% for work.. nevertheless, i guess we all need a vacation before our final exam begins... we went to the waterfall and also river bank... not bad.. i had lots of fun... yipee!!

mangrove trip.. replanting the nipah trees..

suddenly i craved for 'sang har meen'... if i'm not mistaken... it's really nice... 

i love lots of prawns.. nyum.. nyum...

the reason why i'm so lazy to post because i can't post up any pictures.. my phone cam is spoilt... but anyway.. i still need to brag about this because it's a once in a lifetime thing.. i guess.. last night, i spent my money on an expensive buffet which is a heaven for me.. I went to JOGOYA.. i've always been wanting to step my foot into this place and finally did it.. the food is really really nice.. i want to stuff everything into my stomach but i can't... the only one big mistake i've done is drinking too much water.. because i attacked the cocktail and wine which makes me full of water and a lil bit tipsy... but i don't care.. haha.. i thought i will go for lots of chocolate dessert but i don't.. eating too much of it just makes me wanna puke.. but the raw food like sashimi and oyster.. was constantly refilled.. heheh.. nice... i like the teriyaki chicken.. nice... all in all, i will definitely go for another round if i got the money...